Sunday, January 17, 2010

Sometimes I get to thinking

It has been almost 5 months since i lost the baby. With life it is easy to forget and move on. But sometimes, like the other day, I stop to think of what had happened. I realized during dinner one night that "i could be pregnant right now". I could have a belly. And i could be able to have the baby around the same time as some of my friends. It saddens me. My heart breaks, at the thought that just for a moment i had that chance and now its gone. those feelings come back again. The questions start flowing in. The pain begins to get heavier. But only for a moment, cause then I look around at my family here on earth and realize that all things happen for a reason.

Right now i am currently going to school. I am studying to become a cosmetologist. It will take me 10 months to complete the program. So i think that that little baby may have sacrificed his time here on earth so I would be able to go and educate myself in order to help sustain his siblings. And who knows the true reason. Just that this trial, blessing, pure Innocent life was exactly what i needed. what we needed as a family. My oldest child who is now 8 understood and understands what we all went through and that has made us all closer then before.

Yes it is sad to think "what if"...But its a joy to know that I can appreciate the blessings I have right in front of me. I know that one day we will all be united and i will thank my little baby for being apart of my life, our lives, and our eternal family..