Day 8 September 2 2009

So its been 2 weeks since I first started to bleed and a week and a half since I physically miscarried. I feel that I am getting through the days just fine. Today I actually cooked dinner. Granted it was spaghetti I still felt well enough to stand long enough to cook. However I feel I do not need to post everyday but post weekly or when ever i notice a change. I still feel tired and sometimes in pain but also I have 4 kids and that can slow down the healing process.....

Things will get better and they already have. It was a good day.

Also its important to get out for a drive any where to do anything......

Day 7 September 1st 2009

Today i felt a little sad this morning. I still feel tired and have cramping. I started to bleed again but it is only the dark color, nothing too heavy. I was researching about what i am going through and realized that even though it was a miscarriage it was still labor so there for i need to look up the effects of labor/ postpartum. I am still tired and don't have the strength to cook over the stove.

I am just so glad and comforted to know that i am not the only one.
Its still sad...being reminded everyday in every way.

Day 6 August 31 2009

Today i was feeling allot better then i have been. I still have a little pain but other then that emotionally i am ok. I had to urge to get out today but i i was able to do was take the kids to the mall for some exercise. But i am now on a mission, trying to get my story out to as many people as I can. SO I hope you feel inspired to pass this along. My husband will be going back to work soon and I feel we are both ready. I ma just ready to get back the two weeks that i lost and am excited, when the time comes to maybe hopefully try again.

Day 5 August 30 2009

So due to the loss of blood the past week i am feeling tired more often during the day. This morning my husband took the kids to church while i stayed home and napped. But around 4pm and am too tired and my body is too achy to be motivated to make anything to eat for dinner. I know when blood work has been done on me like before giving blood or being pregnant my iron has sometimes been a little low. I still feel cramps. However the bleeding has stopped. thank goodness cause that has to be the most annoying part. To constantly pay attention to something that i have no control over.

By the end of the night i am in pain. My cramping, lower back and just plain tired. Hopefully I will be back to my old self again.

Day 4 August 29 2009

Today was Saturday so I didn't need to get up early. I slept well last night. I really didn't have an emotional breakdown today. Just a little cramping which hurt a little more due to gas. My husband and I are able to talk about it and not get too upset. As my days continue i realize how important it is to go on with my life. It was only a trial and i needed to endure through it. As more and more people find out the more i hear how I'll be able to get through it. To hear it as days go by i realize that i am well on my way to overcoming the emotional part.

I have felt really exhausted today but also have 4 kids and things that need to get done. We are hoping to have another child sometime in the future we will just have to see what the Lord has in store for us.

Day 3 August 28 2009

Woke up the kids and took them to school again. Then I had to get the 2 youngest ready because they were going to be spending time with other families for the day. The whole point was for me to rest and enjoy my husband. However the Lord had other things in mind then to rest. I had picked up a friends daughter from school while she ran around doing errands but it ended up that her car broke down again. I then picked up her other kids from school and my husband and I headed over. I stayed around for a bit but then headed home to rest until my kids came home. I was in pain....cramping my back hurting and lets not forget it gets pretty hot here in AZ. So i was afraid that my rest was never meant to happen but I was glad that i was able to help my friend, kid free.

My husband came home and all my kids returned safely. He decided to go back and help with the car again and took 2 kids. I had the oldest and the youngest at home and we all fell asleep the whole time my husband was gone. I was able to rest after all i think the Lord blessed me with it. I did get a little sad and angry today. While eating dinner tonight I got soo upset that I went through all this pain and got nothing in return. No baby for all the pain i just endured. And whats worse is I am reminded everyday from the cramping. I am just glad to have friends and family around to help me keep focus on the life around me.

Day 2 August 27, 2009

This morning was as typical as any morning. Woke the kids up for school but this time i had to get all 4 ready. After dropping off the two older kids I needed to take my girl to a sitter while i took the youngest to the doctors. I arrived at the sitters a little early so we just waited out side until she returned. When she did return i left my daughter and got back into the car. As i began to turn on the car my car wouldn't start. The battery went dead. This was another thing we just didn't need. So i had to cancel taking my son to his appointment and take the second car which was already at my friends cause she was borrowing it cause her car was dead. I went home to pick up my husband so we could buy another battery. While we were at home getting ready to go, the same friend who i left the kids with called and said that they had a new battery in a dead car that we can have. Now the story is that for weeks Angel has been helping this family with fixing their only car. Sacrificing long hours, not getting home until midnight. It was a blessing to have broken down right in front of their home and not the road or some parking lot. And it was a blessing that they had a new battery that we could have. We were finally able to get our car going and headed home to get ready for my appointment.

We have been blessed with friends being able to help how ever and whenever we needed it. We finally arrived to my midwives office. we got in pretty fast. Everyone knows what is going on with each patient so i did sense a feeling of sadness when i came in. We spoke about what all had happened with the miscarriage. When it started, how long it lasted and how much i was now bleeding. I guess everything went fine for me cause she then said that we could try again. Which i was so relieved about. Right now it isn't the time to be discussing that and i should wait 2 weeks to have intercourse with my husband again. We are both so emotionally weak that we are not in our right minds to be making a decision like that. Of course we spoke about birth control but that too is a tough subject. I had tried one method and it caused me to bleed allot and i am not to fond of hormones going into my body from a patch, rod, shot, pill, or anything else.

So the visit went well but it did trigger emotions once again and i became light headed. I was also told that this emotional roller coaster can last for months.

During this trial we have also been helping a friend. Which has really helped cause it got me out of my house, my husband thinking about cars and not the situation and me talking with a friend about what we were going through. I feel that i have gained stronger friendships with friends.

On our way home from the doctors we had received another blessing where the burden of his job was lifted. Through all this we have seen others being greatly effected and that have shown compassion and love and understanding towards us.

My husband will now be around a little longer which i feel we all need. We are defiantly taking each day moment by moment.

After a long day i would really feel cramping and back pain. still need to remember that my body just went through trauma and it will be a while til it is healed again. I am just grateful for all the help i have each day that all i need to worry about is just healing in every way.