Day 1 August 26, 2009

Earlier this morning I woke up just fine. I got up the kids as usual for school. I was able to get there early enough to speak with a friend about what was going on. As we were standing there we were discussing about two mothers who were both expecting. I tried not to let it get to me and so i thought that I succeeded. It was time for the kids to line up and so there for I left. I needed to make a trip to pick up a food order and would get there as soon as they opened. As I stepped out my car i felt a rush of emotions once again take over my body. The whole time i was getting my order i felt heavy with sorrow and could not find a way to smile. As I drove home i couldn't seem to shake it off. I kept thinking "What just happened to me, to us?" I felt exhausted and all i wanted to do was sleep.
I had offered my hand to a friend and so that got me out of the house. It felt good to help and sit and talk with her. I then picked up my son from school. I soon realized that i wasn't feeling heavy with sadness anymore.

As the day went on I felt energized and proceeded with my responsibilities and taking care of my kids. It has really helped, writing about this has helped with coping with my emotions. I hope someone will too find comfort with my words.

I now and again feel cramping and it is a constant reminder of what I went through and the pain i endured. I feel this will be something i will experience for a while.